I leaned my head on the car window in the backseat. My mom was asleep in the passenger seat and Ty was asleep beside me. Chase was driving the car.
I just had been released from the hospital. I was in the hospital for a total of six days, having hours and hours of surgery being done to me. I had only cut my abdomen open when I stabbed myself with the scissors. All the doctors told me that I was lucky to even make it. They told me that someone must have been watching over me, taking care of me. I knew it was my dad. But the one thing that I wondered about was that dream or vision I had where I saw my dad get stabbed. So did my mom lie to me about the both of them divorcing? Did he actually die and she didn't want to break the news to me when I was seven years old? I'm older now, so I can take the truth. I wonder why she kept that from me all these years.
Chase pulled into the driveway of our house and turned off the car. I felt numb from all the painkillers the doctors had given me and I didn't feel like getting out of the car, so I just sat there. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to go anywhere. I just sat there like a lump on the seat, waiting for... well, nothing. I still had to go back to school in another week. I was definitely not looking forward to that. Nothing was going to cheer me up anymore, nothing.
Chase was outside of the car and he opened my car door. Since I was leaning against the door, when it opened, I began to fall outwards. Chase caught me before I hit the ground, luckily. I looked up at him with a tired gaze. "Do you want me to carry you into the house?" he asked, looking down at me. I slowly nodded my head.
He took his strong arms and carefully lifted me out of the car. See, that's the good thing about having a really strong older brother. He can protect you and carry you places. I mean, Ty was also my older brother, but he can hardly lift anything, let alone me. I wrapped my hands around Chase's neck and nuzzled my head under his chin. He was warm and smelled really good. I loved him. He was my caring older brother and if he would ever leave me, I'd cry. I wouldn't be able to survive without him.
Chase walked into the house and took me to my bedroom where he gently laid me on my bed. My head sunk into my soft pillow and I felt like I needed a nap. But I wanted to do something first.
"Chase?" I spoke to my brother after he set me down.
"What do you need?" he asked."Nothing, nothing. But I do want you to take a seat in a chair," I told him. He pulled out my white computer chair from under my desk and sat on it.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked him.
"Yeah, sure. Tell me anything.""Well if I tell you, you won't freak out right? Because if you're going to freak out, I'm not going to tell you."
"I won't freak out Amelia. It couldn't be worse than knowing that my sister stabbed herself in the stomach."
"Well, what I'm going to tell you is the main reason that I almost killed myself." His eyes flashed worry, but he said nothing. I cleared my throat. I was afraid of how he was going to react. "Um, I'm gay."
"Oh... you are?""Um... yeah, I guess."
"How long have you felt this way?"
"About six months. And I know you may think that I'm just going through a crazy teenage, hormonal, confused phase, but I'm not. I'm 100 percent sure that I'm gay. I feel nothing towards guys." My brother sat there in silence, processing what I had just told him in his mind.
"So, have you told other people about this?"
"I didn't really have to. You know that party I went to?" Chase nodded his head. "Well, when I got drunk, I kissed my crush, Victoria. Someone took a picture of us when we did it and they posted it all over the web."
"Oh. So I'm guessing people saw the picture and then..." His voice trailed off, knowing that I knew what he meant. I nodded my head.
"After my friends found out, they left me. So now I don't have any friends.""I'm sorry Amelia. Have you told Mom or Ty this?" I shook my head. I didn't want to have to tell my mom. She'd have a heart attack and be sent to the hospital. And of course, I didn't want her to freak out about it all. "Are you ever going to tell them?" Chase asked. I twiddled my thumbs and hesitated a bit. "Do you want me to tell them?" he suggested.
"No, I'll do it," I told him.
"When?"
I took in a sharp breath. "I don't know, Chase. I don't know."
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A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
Okay, there's something I need to say before you move on to read the next chapter.
Thank you kdangelwill from thesims3.com for the following information:
"If a person attempts suicide, they would be on a 'one to one' (that's a 24 hour watch by a security guard that sits with the person making sure that the don't try to hurt themselves again) while hospitalized. Upon release, they would be 'sectioned' to a mental health facility for further evaluation. The person could be detained for up to 28 days, or until the psychiatrists think they are no longer harmful to themselves of others. Suicide is never a good option."
I know my story doesn't exactly follow along those statistics (One, because I've already written the whole story out and I can't change it because it'd change the outcome. And two, because I never knew those facts because I've never attempted suicide), but I still want to say that suicide is bad and not fun at all. If you attempt suicide, like kdangelwill said, you will have to be watched and kept in a mental facility for quite a while because they are going to think that you will harm yourself again. IF you are ever at any time thinking about suicide, please tell someone. Save yourself from YOU. You have so much ahead of you in life, and you don't even realize it. If you become strong, and save yourself, you can help others who had felt the way you did. So please, tell someone, even if it's your neighbor across the street. Tell someone and get help. Because everyone deserves a LIFE! Everyone.
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