Introduction

     I swallowed hard as my fingers gently wrapped around the pair of scissors that were lying on my desk. I examined the blades. They were so clean and so sharp; they could easily cut a piece of paper... or anything in this case. I put them back down and set my hand to my head.

     I was sitting alone in my blackened bedroom and my world had never felt so dark and depressing. Everyone ignores me now. Or they act like I have a contagious disease, so they try to stay away from me whenever possible. I'm treated as an outsider. The most attention I get is when people at school give me strange stares. Even my used-to-be friends look at me like I'm some kind of unknown animal. They all act like I don't belong there. Well, maybe I don't. Maybe I don't belong anywhere.

     I picked up the scissors again and opened them. I pressed one blade onto my wrist. Then very slowly as I pressed down, I dragged the blade across my skin. It made an incision and blood began to pool out. The red liquid streamed down my wrist and dripped onto the floor. I didn't feel any pain. I was so numb from all my emotional and mental pain, that with physical pain, I couldn't feel a thing.

     Tears began to slowly trace down my cheeks as I made another cut into my wrist. My breathing became unsteady and my hands began to shake. I dropped the blood-stained scissors onto my desk as more flowing red fluid fell, staining the carpet below. I clutched my bloody wrist as reality set in and I began to feel the sting. I felt it all. No one cared about me. No one cared anymore that I existed.

I bent forward and set my forehead on my desk, with my cut wrist resting on my legs. My long hair fell forward and attached to the sides of my dampened face. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. Even though my eyes were squeezed shut, my tears were still pouring out. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to die. I just wished that I would bleed to death right there. I couldn't believe my life had come to this.

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~A few weeks earlier~

"Does anyone want to hang out at the mall tomorrow?" my friend Lori asked our lunch table. I took a bite of my grilled cheese sandwich. Mm, cheesy goodness.

"I'll go. I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in like... a week," Nicolette explained, forking lettuce into her mouth. She was such a shopaholic. But she was also my best friend.

"I've got a soccer game to go to, and plus, the mall atmosphere just makes me feel like-- like I need to buy something. I can't do that when I'm absolutely broke and my parents won't even loan me a penny," Melanie made a depressing sigh.

"What about you Amelia? Are you up for the mall tomorrow?" Lori talked to me. I set down my grilled cheese and wiped the crumbs off my face. I hated going to the mall. I always see people I know and then I have to make sure I look the best because of that. And plus everything is too overpriced to buy anyways.

     "I'm busy," I say.

     "You are? Okay then. Nicolette and I will just go and if your schedule suddenly opens up, feel free to come with us."

     I make a fake smile, "Okay."

"Well anyways, guess who asked me out on Chatter last night?" Melanie spoke out, changing the subject. (Chatter is a popular online social network)

     "It wasn't that Corey guy from Northside was it?" Nicolette asked her, hinting that she didn't like this "Corey guy."

     "No, it wasn't... luckily. I'll give you a hint: he's tall, plays basket-"

     "Rick! Omg, Rick asked you out?! The Rick that you've been crushing over since you met him at that one place?!" Lori almost jumped out of her seat with excitement. Melanie began to blush.

     "Yeah. I found out that he goes to Lakeridge and lives very close to me!" she said enthusiastically. Her face looked like a happy cherry.

"You're one lucky girl to catch a guy's attention. I, on the other hand, haven't dated anyone in two months!" Nicolette announced like it's a bad thing. Then Lori responded and soon the whole table was talking. Well, except me.

I zoned out. I was actually focused on a group of girls sitting at a lunch table across the lunchroom. A group of hot girls, that is.

The main girl of the group is Victoria Gladstone. She had silky, soft, long blonde hair and the most beautiful face and body. I have had a secret crush on her for a while now. And now you're probably thinking, What? You, a girl, have a crush on another girl? As strange as it may be to you, it's true.

     A while ago I had lost my attraction for boys and found girls more... interesting. So yes, I'm gay. I'm a lesbian. I haven't told anyone this though. You see, at our school, there are no known gay girls, transgender people (or so we believe), etc. Our school is "perfect," as most people would say.

     And along with no gays, there are also no blacks at our school (or who I would call, African Americans). Since this is a very exclusive, rich, private school just for girls, you have to be accepted to get in. And sadly, they won't accept other races or even obese girls, girls with disabilities, and girls who don't have a 3.0 GPA or higher. Every girl at this school is supposedly "perfect" and has a "perfect" life. But I don't see why being racist, judgmental against weight, ignoring the disabled, assuming that people with a lower GPA don't have a chance, and having a biased view of the gays, transgenders, etc. is labeled as "perfect." That is definitely not the meaning of the word "perfect" in my book.

Everyone is a stereotype at my school, except me. So if I told everyone I was gay, I would stick out in a really bad way. It'd be like I was the penguin among everyone else who would be little annoying chickens. It's weird to think of it that way, but I would probably stick out that badly. I might even get kicked out of the school for all I know. I didn't want any of that to happen. So just as long as I looked like a girl and acted like a girl, no one would find out my huge secret...

...or so I thought.

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