Knock, knock, knock. I turned myself in my bed and looked to my bedroom door. "Come in," I croaked. I was exhausted. I wanted to go back to sleep like I had been for the past ten hours, but I couldn't
get myself to fall back asleep. So I had been lying awake staring at the blank ceiling for quite a while now.
Mom walked in quietly through my bedroom door. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Tired," I said hoarsely.
"Are you hungry?" she questioned. Her face expression looked like she was afraid I was going to scream at her. She appeared scared or worried, or both.
"No," I spoke quietly. She stood there silently for a minute.
My eyes began to finally drift shut until Mom spoke again.
"Is there anything I can get you?" she inquired. I lifted my heavy eyelids and eyed her.
"No," I said, turning on my side under the covers. I could hear my mom's footsteps walk away, but then something popped into my mind. "Uh, Mom?" I said, lifting my head up off my pillow. Mom stopped and turned to me.
"Yes?" she spoke.
"Um, can I have glass of water?" I asked.
"Sure," and then she walked out to get my water.
I laid my head back on my soft pillow. All I could think about was what it was going to be like at school in a few days. I didn't know if people had heard that I had tried to kill myself or not. I hadn't been on
chatter.com ever since the picture of Victoria and I was posted, and I hadn't spoke to anyone at school, including Victoria. I wondered what was going on with her. She hadn't been at school and she hadn't talked to me, so for all I know she could have dropped out of Charleston and was going to a public school. Ew, public school. I couldn't stand going somewhere like that. I wouldn't want to go there if it was to save my life. But then again, Chase and Ty go to a public school and I haven't heard them talk much about it in a bad way. Chase has a girlfriend and Ty is at the top of his class. I don't know what to think of their high school.
Mom came walking back in with my glass of water. I sat up in my bed and decided to lie on top of my covers. "Here you go," she said, handing me my water. I grabbed the glass and took a sip, but then I placed the glass down on my nightstand.
"Mom, I need to tell you something," I said.
"What is it?"
"It's about me stabbing myself." She stood in silence. "Can you please take a seat?" She grabbed my computer chair and sat on it.
"Um, well I'm just going to come out and say it." I paused. "I'm gay." I bit my lip, waiting for her answer... but the thing was, she didn't freak out. She didn't scream, cry, or do anything. She just sat there... in silence. "Mom? Did you hear what I sai-"
"I heard what you said Amelia," she cut me off, not even making eye contact with me. "I have to make lunch." She stood up.
"Mom, it's only ten o'clock-" I tried to say.
"I'm making lunch, OKAY?!" she screamed at me.
Then she quickly paced out of my room and shut my bedroom door behind her. I sat on bed, expecting her to come back in my bedroom and apologize, but she didn't. She never came back into my bedroom for the rest of the day, or the next few days. And whenever I went out of my bedroom, she never wanted to talk to me or make eye contact with me. She ignored me. She acted like I was never her daughter. She acted like I was something else, something she never loved. I felt abandoned by my own mother. Actually, abandoned by almost everyone.
